


Cranberry Kisses

by Auggusst



Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Christmas Party, Comfort, Dancing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fireworks, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, M/M, Mistletoe, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Has PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23994604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auggusst/pseuds/Auggusst
Summary: When a surprise fireworks display at a Christmas party sends Steve spiraling into an anxiety attack, Tony is naturally there to comfort his boyfriend, to hold him close until he feels safe again.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/468745
Comments: 24
Kudos: 189





	Cranberry Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> I. Have had more panic attacks in the last four months than the last six years combined. I'm QUITE sick of it, but what better way to make peace with it and the constant stress I feel than to turn it into writing? 
> 
> It's rare, I find, that Steve has attacks in fics. It's always Tony, which is valid, because he's a literal mess who suffers from it a lot, but I think Steve would struggle with it too. I mean, I don't think anyone came out of WW2 without some kind of PTSD. Also why am I writing about Christmas in May? No idea. This entire year has just ruined me.

“You know the rules, give me a kiss,” Tony said, tugging at the lapels of Steve’s black velvet coat.

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed for good measure. “This is the fourth time we’ve done this,” he protested.

“Yes, and it’ll be four more times if I have my way,” Tony replied, grinning up at him. “Come on, it’s tradition.”

Steve’s eyes drifted up to the huge bundle of Mistletoe hanging a few feet above them in the archway. It was conveniently placed in a high-traffic area, between the lounge and the dining room, and the various party guests had been making the most of it.

Steve was initially reluctant to come to this party, but they’d been invited by one of Tony’s business partners. Tony knew a lot of people, naturally, and did business with more than he could count, but tonight’s host was one of the handful of rich snobs Tony actually didn’t mind associating with, someone who had been the first to praise SI for its turn to renewable energy and advancing technologies, so it only took minor convincing for the scientist to get Steve to agree to come along.

He would’ve rather been back at the Tower, was looking forward to the team’s private Christmas party two days from now, but he supposed this wasn’t so bad. The food here was extravagant, but admittedly tasty, and Tony looked beautiful in his suit. It was an eye-catching deep crimson, accompanied by an iridescent silver tie and matching cuff links. Tony looked good no matter what he wore, but he was truly a vision tonight. It didn’t make it much of a chore to keep offering him kisses when Tony purposefully led them through the archway.

“You’re a menace,” Steve sighed, but he was smiling when he leaned down to press their lips together. Tony’s hand drifted up to cup his cheek. He tasted like cranberries and champagne, a signature drink they were serving tonight. Steve found himself chasing the brunet’s lips when he pulled back, trying to get that one extra kiss.

“Who’s the menace now?” Tony teased, dodging Steve’s lips.

“Still you,” the blond replied, but accepted the defeat. He settled for taking Tony’s hand as they kept walking towards the lounge. It was spacious, and warm, and there was soft jazz playing, a few couples swaying to the sound in the dance space that’d been carved out of the room.

Tony was leading him over to an empty couch, but Steve had a better idea. Steve tugged on the brunet’s hand a little. “Wanna dance?” he asked.

Tony’s face melted into a smile, and he quirked a brow. “You’re asking me to dance?”

“Can’t a guy just enjoy holding his fella close?” Steve retorted, pulling Tony closer.

The brunet followed without hesitation, braced a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Hmm, ‘enjoyment.’ Funny coming from the guy who made a fit about coming here in the first place,” he prodded.

“Oh, be quiet,” the soldier replied, resting his hand on Tony’s hip. They started swaying to the music.

It was surprisingly easy to fall into the rhythm, and usually was, when they danced. The very first time may have been a little awkward, but it was really Steve’s nervousness that made it so, and once he let himself relax, and get lost in Tony’s eyes, the smell of his cologne, and the warmth of his body, the whole concept came quite naturally to him.

It was always easy to forget where they were, when they danced. The music carried them across the room, and Tony always felt so secure in Steve’s arms, entirely at ease, and the feeling was mutual. Somewhere after the second song, the brunet’s head came forward to rest on Steve’s shoulder, and the two got so blissfully comfortable that they almost missed the host calling out for everyone to gather on the terrace. Tony was loathe to stop dancing, wanted to stay in the moment just a little longer, but thought it’d be kind of rude, and weird, if they stayed inside while everyone left.

“He loves giving speeches,” Tony sighed as he drew back from the warm circle of Steve’s arms. “Even if they interrupt my wonderful dance time with my boyfriend.”

Steve scoffed in amusement, tried not to let on his disappointment at their dance being cut short. They didn’t dance that often, but whenever they did, he really enjoyed it. “Clearly,” he agreed, looking around at the passing people.

The two followed the crowd outside.

It was kind of chilly, but the weather was especially mild this December, and Tony happened to have a big strong super soldier for a partner, so he didn’t mind the temperature drop too much. As his business partner addressed the crowd, Tony got a little lost in Steve’s eyes, (as he was prone to do, naturally. The blue in them was deep enough to drown in, and he often did) and so he didn’t quite catch all that the man up front was saying, but caught the word ‘surprise’ near the end, and snapped back to reality.

There was about half a second before the first telltale screech of a firework soaring up into the night air went off, and the resounding _boom_ was startlingly loud, accompanied with a bright burst of beautiful red light.

Now, Tony never really minded fireworks. Even after all that he’d been through, after all that had happened, he still managed to enjoy them, even if one firing without warning made his heart jump out of his chest. It made all of him jump, really. He recovered quickly though, let out a little laugh as the display began, but Steve’s arm grew kind of tight around him, kind of stiff, and the scientist knew something was wrong.

“Steve?” he asked, looking up. “Sweetheart?”

The blond’s eyes were wide, and he was starting to breathe kind of harshly, visibly flinched when another firework went off. Distress crossed his features, and he drew his arm back entirely. The sudden distance between them was jarring.

“I—I think I—I gotta go,” Steve gasped, and practically bolted away, made his way back inside. The soldier had to push through a few people to get there, some who looked overly scandalized at the rough handling, some merely curious, but Steve didn’t seem to care, didn’t spare any of them a glance, Tony included. He was inside and out of sight before the brunet could call his name, could even ask what happened.

Tony stood dumbfounded for about half a second. The look in Steve’s eyes, the _fear_ he saw there was enough to make his stomach sink, and suddenly he made the connection. The boom of the fireworks did sound suspiciously like artillery fire, and well, Tony was familiar enough with panic attacks to identify one when he saw it.

“Oh fuck,” he muttered, and another few screeches went off, the night sky filling with color, as if to accent his point. He pushed through the crowd immediately, had to find Steve.

The lounge felt kind of odd now, completely emptied, and foreign in a way Tony wasn’t expecting. It seemed lonely, kind of sad, and no longer welcoming. The bundle of Mistletoe hanging over the archway only added to the misery the room was projecting now. Steve was nowhere to be found here though, so Tony didn’t have time to dwell on it. The brunet kept walking, started jogging, really, eyes flitting left and right as he moved through the next few rooms, trying to find his distressed boyfriend. Time dragged on, his heart sinking with each second. Tony was starting to panic a little himself, honestly. Where the fuck was Steve? Was he okay? Where could he have gone?

Tony felt kind of stupid, really, for not knowing about the fireworks display beforehand. Then again, Steve had never been set off by fireworks before, so he didn’t have a reason to ask about them. He seemed to enjoy them usually, like on New Year’s, or the 4th of July. How could Tony have known he would react this way?

Was it the spontaneity of it all that did him in? Was Steve only comfortable with fireworks when he knew they were coming? That wouldn’t be surprising. Tony always felt better about things when he could anticipate them, could work himself up to deal with them. It was probably the same for his boyfriend. Steve’s panic attacks were few and far between usually, which Tony kind of envied, but they were just as bad as his. Steve just always seemed to have a better handle on it all, was stronger, but that didn’t mean he should just be left to suffer.

They’d have to talk about it all later. For now, the brunet was going to find him, was going to make sure he got through it okay. He wouldn’t expect anything different, if things were reversed, like they had been so many times.

He was halfway towards the entrance hall when he finally caught sight of Steve, tucked in a corner with his back to the wall, eyes wide and face flushed. Even from here, Tony could see the stiffness in his limbs, the restrained power in his fingertips as they shook against the wall.

“Oh honey,” he said, sighing in relief and sympathy.

The soldier’s blue eyes settled on him immediately, and his brows knit, something akin to shame crossing his features. “Sorry,” he breathed. “I—I can’t—“

Another firework went off, the sound muffled by the mansion’s walls, but Steve still screwed his eyes shut, let out a gasp of air.

“Hey, hey, you’re alright,” Tony said, holding his hands up in a gesture of calming, as Steve had done for him so many times. His heart was bleeding a little, seeing the soldier so frightened, struggling to fight his instincts, to listen to reason. “They’re just fireworks, there’s no danger. We’re safe here, I promise,” Tony assured him.

“I know,” the blond replied, shaking his head. He did know. His brain wasn’t the problem. He knew very well that he was safe here, that everything was okay. It was his body that refused to listen, his heart that beat so loudly he could hardly hear Tony speak, his lungs tight and feeling too warm. Steve swallowed hard. “I _know_ but I’m s-still—“

“Can I hold you?” Tony asked softly. He was dying to reach out, to comfort the blond directly.

Steve looked at him, tried to think a little, to decide what he wanted, if being touched would make it better or worse, and he nodded slowly. He trusted Tony. He knew Tony wouldn’t hurt him, and thought he could trust himself to relax enough to be touched.

Tony smiled softly, but there was concern in his own eyes, and he slowly moved forward, wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders, shushed him.

“You’re okay,” Tony said, shielding Steve from the rest of the hall. He didn’t think anyone would walk in right now, but if they did, he’d rather give Steve a sense of privacy, a sense of safety. Another firework went off outside, and Tony felt like even more of an idiot for bringing Steve here tonight. Steve hadn’t wanted to come in the first place, but Tony had convinced him, had insisted, and now the night was ruined. The scientist felt supremely guilty.

Steve’s hands slowly came away from the wall, wrapped around Tony, held him tight, a little too tight honestly, but Tony didn’t complain. The blond tucked his head against Tony’s shoulder, tried to quell the trembling in his body, but to no avail. Steve let out another shaky breath, even as Tony held him. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“Don’t apologize,” the brunet soothed, lifting his hand to gently stroke through the hair at the nape of Steve’s neck. “I know what it’s like, trust me.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, managing a breath of laughter. He knew that well enough. There were so many times where the situation was reversed, where Tony was the one driven headfirst into a panic attack, where he needed Steve to calm him down, to protect him. It still made the blond feel bad, though, that he’d had such a sudden upset, that he ruined the night. The last thing he wanted was to be an embarrassment, and he was quite aware of what he looked like, rushing through the crowd. Steve knew he’d feel mortified once this was all over.

The minutes dragged on, and they stayed like that, tucked away in the corner, weathering the storm, so to speak. Tony whispered assurances, reminded the blond to take slow breaths, to keep from hyperventilating. Steve focused on his words, the sound of his voice, gentle and smooth, tried to ignore the sounds outside, tried to stop himself from crying. His eyes were stinging a little, but he held the tears back. After a while, Steve managed to get his breathing mostly under control, but he couldn’t quite stop trembling yet, and held on to Tony like a lifeline.

The fireworks kept booming overhead, and suddenly the sound intensified, almost overwhelmingly so. It sounded too much like a battlefield, with deep, heavy booms and ear-piercing high ones, short, rapid bursts that sounded like gunfire. It must have been the finale. Normally, Steve could tolerate it, could remind himself that things were okay, that he was fine, but tonight, he just…couldn’t. It reminded him too much of the war, of too many nights out in the field with men screaming and dying left and right, with Hydra closing in around them.

Steve tried not to think about it, and usually succeeded, but some nights, his memories became too much to bear. Sometimes, it was a little too easy to forget where he was, to convince himself that this was all a lie, all a dream, and that he was still in the thick of it, in a never-ending loop of fear and terror. Sometimes he dreamt about it, too, woke up disoriented and afraid, needing the brunet to bring him back to reality.

He held on to the sound of Tony’s voice, let it ground him, let his words sink in deep as he tried to keep the tide of panic from sweeping over him again.

“It’s so loud,” Steve muttered, taking a deep breath. “I hate it.”

Even Tony flinched a little this time around, each sound more intense than the last. Naturally, it was _a lot_ of noise; his friend obviously spent big bucks on his show. There was scattered applause audible throughout the booms, and the crowd was probably thoroughly enjoying it, and he would too, under different circumstances, but now Tony wished it was over. He thought about taking Steve home immediately, but they’d have to leave the building for that, and the sound level would just increase. They had to wait it out here.

“I know,” Tony replied, pressing a kiss to Steve’s temple. “We’re almost done,” he assured him, held the soldier a little tighter. “We can go home soon.”

Steve liked the sound of that.

After a few more moments, the noise finally dropped off, and the tension in Steve’s shoulders dropped a fraction. Tony kept holding on to him, rubbed his back comfortingly, until Steve felt calm enough to pull back.

“There we go,” the scientist said softly. “Are you okay?”

Steve exhaled slowly, brushed a hand over his face, wiped at the moisture gathering in his eyes. He felt warm, too warm, and kind of exhausted. His knees were shaking a little. “Yeah,” he replied. “Still a little…you know, but yeah.”

“Let’s sit down, huh?” Tony suggested, and after a moment, the two slowly sank to the floor. Tony scooted around so he was at Steve’s side, his back against the wall too.

Steve sighed, his head tipped forward. “That was rough,” he admitted. “I wasn’t ready for it.”

“I’m sorry,” Tony replied, sweeping a hand over his brow, brushing the stray hairs from his forehead. “I’m so sorry, Steve. I had no idea they were doing fireworks tonight. I should’ve known, should’ve asked or—“

“It’s okay,” Steve insisted, taking Tony’s hands in his own. “I didn’t think I’d—I didn’t think it would set me off like that. It surprised me, I guess.”

“Still, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m the one who made you come here tonight. I feel terrible.”

“Don’t,” the blond replied. “It’s not your fault. I’ll be okay,” he assured Tony. He would be okay, he knew. It would just take a while to settle his nerves. He was still feeling a little off, kind of on edge, but he didn’t want Tony to get worked up about it.

“Do you want to go home?” Tony asked, rubbed Steve’s palm with his thumb. “I don’t want you lingering around here if you’re feeling uncomfortable. I know it takes me forever to get back to baseline.”

His eyes were so deep and warm that Steve almost felt a little better just from that, from the concern he showed. It helped, knowing he was loved, knowing that someone cared about him. He couldn’t deny that he didn’t really want to stay here anymore though, that the thought of staying in the crowd made him nervous now. Part of him wanted to tough it out, because he hated being vulnerable, hated seeming weak, but he knew being honest was for the best. Tony would never belittle him for it either, knew the pain he felt, knew it better than anybody. Steve took a breath.

“Yeah…if you don’t mind, I’d rather go home,” he admitted.

Tony lifted Steve’s hand, kissed his knuckles. “You got it,” he replied. “It’s getting kind of late anyway. I need my beauty sleep,” he joked, even though it was barely 11pm. He hoped Steve would appreciate the joke though.

The blond smiled a little, nodded. “Thanks,” he said. There was a pause, and he spoke again. “I love you.”

Tony smiled at him, brightly like he had half an hour ago when they danced. “I love you too,” he replied, never got tired of hearing it, really.

They stood up, and Tony took the time to straighten Steve’s coat, regarded him with fond eyes. He could see Steve settling a little, getting more comfortable, and was thoroughly grateful for it, was glad that he could calm the soldier, make him feel better. He loved being a sense of safety for Steve, as the blond was for him, loved the feeling that they could face the whole world as long as they had each other.

He _was_ enjoying the party, and Steve was too, before all this started, but knew when enough was enough. Steve’s feelings were more important than some dumb party, and there was always another party, always another event to go to. This wouldn’t be their last night out. He’d shoot the host a text once they got in the car to explain his sudden disappearance. Going home was the best thing to do now, and once there, Tony would gladly end the evening with a cuddle session in bed, would hold Steve close until he felt right again, and they could both go to sleep. That was honestly better than any party could ever be.

Tony took a second to straighten his own clothes, and looked up at Steve. “Let’s go?” he asked, holding out a hand.

Steve gladly took it. He took comfort in the familiar weight, the feel of Tony’s fingers against his, felt a little more ease slipping through the anxious hammering in his chest. He stopped a moment, felt his face heat up a little, felt silly even asking, but he needed it. “Kiss me?”

The brunet thought his heart was melting. God, he loved Steve. “Of course, honey,” he replied, and leaned up, pressed his lips against Steve’s. He still tasted sweet from his last drink, and something about that made Steve feel that much better.

“Let’s go,” he agreed, and they made their way to the exit before the party guests could fill the hall once more.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!! Please leave your thoughts <3 <3 <3


End file.
